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Sorry, I Thought I Loved You
by Michielle DJ Beck
Reviewed by Don Bacue, Executive Editor
International Features Syndicate
Following a foreword by Marcus A. Lindemann putting codependency and relationship addiction into perspective, the book, Sorry, I Thought I Loved You, delves into the lives of a woman by the name of Michielle DJ Beck. I say “lives” because, although married for the first time at the age of 17 and divorced for the fifth time at 34, she experienced different aspects, different generations, of codependency with each of her husbands. In fact, one of few things she seems to have had in common with them was her realization that something was wrong.
Not that she could put her finger on it, of course. She was nowhere near that far enough along in understanding her obsession with relationships. But she knew that she was different, that she didn’t fit in the way others did. That, of course, merely made her increasingly despondent and racked with guilt. What was she doing wrong? Why was she failing her spouses? Or, more realistically, why were they all failing her? In between her five marriages, she suffered similar fates with countless other relationships that never reached the altar.
But where did it all begin? And how did Michielle finally claw her way to emotional freedom?
“It all started early,” Beck writes, “ – as early as I can remember – and it only got worse as I got older. Finally, after many long and confusing years I stumbled, completely by accident, onto a path of research and self-discovery, and today I can finally put a name to the main problem that has tormented me since my earliest memories: I am a codependent relationship addict.”
After reading everything she could find on the subject and talking with professionals in the field, she knew she had a hard, long road to recovery ahead of her. The guilt and shame she felt for not having taking action sooner proved to be a menacing roadblock along the way. So, too, did her fear of sharing her new self-discovery with others. In time, though, she came to a universal realization about codependency addicts.
“They only know that they are unhappy," she writes, "and they think a relationship of some type will make them happy again. When it doesn't, they are lost. They think: ‘Well, I guess I just need a different relationship. That must be what's wrong!’ So they leave their relationship, and they go and find another one, only to repeat the same pattern – a pattern which I finally succeeded in breaking, but only after many years, much effort, and a totally unexpected and unsolicited epiphany, which I promise I'll share with you in a later chapter.”
Obviously, Beck went on to break the chain of addiction, but the legacy of dependency lives on. In fact, after reading her fascinating and hope-inducing work on her life’s struggle to regain a sense of normalcy, I realized that I once shared her addiction. Several broken relationships and failed marriages later led me to my own painful epiphany: I had to change what was broken inside me before I could ever find true happiness with someone else.
How much easier it would have been if, 25 years ago, I’d had Sorry, I Thought I Loved You to guide me through my own tribulations. And just how many other people are there who could benefit from this inspirational and eye-opening tale?
Take my word for it, this is a five-star read from start to finish. Complete with chapter-ending “What the Therapist Says” interpretations and suggestions to put into use PLUS a very impressive “Resources” section. Pick up a copy today. And change your life around for good.
Five stars.
And-a-half.
Sorry, I Thought I Loved You
by Michielle DJ Beck
Chipmunka Publishing (Great Britain, 2011)
Paperback, $21.00
Rating: 5 out of 5 Stars
